Communication

One of the reasons why there are issues in any relationships is because we do not take the time to UNDERSTAND the other person and what he/she is feeling and why...we are too selfish with our own emotions...

Selfishness kills communication. The only thing we see is I, what I feel, what I want, what I see, what about ME, you hurt ME, you betrayed ME, I am hurt, I, I and I...But what about the other person? What about how she/he feels too? You will never know what caused the person to do or say what they said or did, if you do not take the time to understand why and what they feel too.

Sometimes we can act in a way that seems correct to us but doesn't please the other. And that person will have a bad reaction to our behavior, and the first thing we'll say if ''If you're not happy than step aside". But not everybody have the same character, the same attitude or the same views. So we cannot expect everybody to be exactly like us, think exactly like us and act exactly like us, otherwise we find them weird if they do not like some of our ways. It's not how it works.

For example, in a couple, it's not because you like to give affection to someone and that person does not give it back to you in the way you want it, that you should break up with this person or criticize them. Some people are very timid and reserved, and would love to be able to give affection as openly as others do but they can't, because something is blocking them. But if we stop being selfish and try to understand what's blocking the other person by COMMUNICATING with them, we can actually help this person unblock which is going to be beneficial for you and your mate as you will receive the affection you wanted, and the other will feel more comfortable giving it to you, and by unblocking what was blocking inside, it might unblock things in other aspects of his/her life like relationships with family, coworkers, friends and so on...

Another example is if someone is quiet and not a big talker. People tend to judge them as not being assertive enough, boring, etc...And those people are usually the ones who are always rejected, at school, work or any social activities. And there is a reason why these people are this way. They might have had been traumatized by a situation in their childhood such as abuse, rape, loss of a relative, witness of a crime, drama, etc...or maybe it's just their nature, maybe they'd love to be able to speak openly and affirm themselves but don't know how. They are struck by timidity and they don't know how to overcome it. But if you would take the time to actually communicate with them and understand what makes them being this way, we can help them overcome whatever block them in order for them to get out of their shells. Some people never had anyone to talk to, anyone to confide in, anyone to cry on, which resulted in them keeping everything inside and become reserved, detached and timid.

Someone else might have a fear of a certain animal, dogs for example. And because you're not scared of dogs, you think the person is crazy and make fun of them for that. What you might not know is that this person might have been traumatized by a dog who bit her and it caused that person to develop a fear for any types of dog that can exist on the planet. But you take the time to communicate with the person and understand where the fear comes from, you might be able to help this person overcome this fear and make a big difference in this person's life.

We tend to judge someone by what we see and not by what we know. But if we would only take a second to get to know the person and what happened in his/her life and childhood, in order for them to become the way they are, we might understand them better and be able to make them change and break their chains from the past that made them become negative in terms of acting, thinking, reacting and living. If we stop being selfish, thinking that our ways is the best ways, and start communicating with other people and try to understand their differences, any relationships will get better. It will save many relationships, marriages, friendships and so on...

Of course it might be hard to communicate with someone and make them open up. There are millions of people like this. We just have to find a way to make them feel at ease with us so that they can start being comfortable enough to open up about themselves and their life experiences. For some, it might be easy and for others, it might be a long process. I'm not asking you to do that for everybody, but if the person is important enough for you, I suggest that you take the time to do it because you never know what someone can bring in your life. I remember my mother would always tell me to be kind with everyone (as long as they respect me obviously) because you never know what that person can bring in your life. This person might be the one to give you their hand when everybody else will turn you down in a bad situation, that person might be the one to save your life in case of emergency...we never know.

The key to success in any relationships, is communication. Elders always say it. So break the chains of selfishness, and take the time to communicate with others to understand how they are and why. You'll see that it'll save many relationships in your lifetime.